Whats going on

Ok I would like to sincerely apologize for my misinterpretation in my last post, that appears to have created much excessive, yet unnecessary, worry among some of my friends. No I am NOT suicidal, I'm not nearly that stupid. However, I'd be lieing if I told yall it didnt flash into my mind a few times. But I'm not stupid enough to consider it as any kind of option. What has really been bothering me is the way I have been treating some of yall. Yall are my friends and instead of being just a fun, outgoing, and friendly person, I start problems, pick fights, begin arguments, embarrass people, behave immaturely, get carried away with jokes and take them to a cruel level, and everything I do just makes things a problem for everybody and I hate it that its in my nature to act this way (on Tuesday a displayed a horrible example of this that lead me to make that post). Its something I have not worked nearly hard enough to fight through. I shouldn't be burdening you all with all of this, I want yall to be happy, and if I'm going to act this way then yall just should not be talking to me.

About the "I'm sick of life" part. Well just so yall know, I havent really opened up about a lot of this except to one girl that I am good friends with, but I feel it might be necessary to give yall a scratch of the surface about some of the problems in my life (not to burden anyone, though). My sister was just recently illegitimately baptized (meaning: baptized at a non-Primitive Baptist church) which my dad and I have been very upset about. I also have about 3-4 family members on one side of my family, who smoke weed, and I know at least 2 of them are jobless and have been for quite awhile (and arent really actively looking), its beginning to really become discouraging that I always have to argue with them about how I believe marijuana should be illegal, when they disagree and actually have facts to backup their counter-argument. I don't want to use their laziness as an argument, because it just seems cruel to point it out to them that they haven't had a job in years while I've been going to college full-time with holding a secure job for the last 3 and a half years. Also, schools been quite intense this semester, its been my hardest semester (academically) ever. I've got a lot more things going on too (emotionally), on top of life's everyday struggles and problems that God presents us with, but I won't burden yall with anymore of what I go through. I just ask that yall please pray for me now. I really should not have caused anyone to worry about me, or whats going on with me, just please don't let me bother yall with anything. I know true friends will listen, well yall've been doing a lot of listening lately, a lot more than any true friend would put you through....

Also, against the wishes of a couple people I have spoken to, no I will not delete my previous post, I feel it is necessary for it to be there. I am fully aware of what it might do to my reputation, but that presents no reason not to make yall fully aware of whats going on.